Beer Anyone?

Taking on Heartland Brewery's Beer Goddess is no small task.

Do you enjoy beer? I mean really enjoy beer? Is there a weekend day coming up where you'd like to hang out with a few friends, possibly for some day drinking? There's always the unlimited champagne brunch option, but perhaps you're looking for an experience that's a little more... outside the box. If these criteria coincide with a hankering to drink the world's largest beer then I, have got the perfect outing for you. Owner of New York City's Heartland Brewery, Jon Bloostein has got 6.3 pints, 101.4 ounces, or 8.5 cans of handcrafted brew with your name all over it.



Well, actually it's called the Beer Goddess - but it can be yours for the very reasonable price of $49.99. It is actually slightly cheaper to order the myriad craft beers at Heartland's 6 locations (including their newest concept restaurant, HB Burger) by the pint. At approximately $7 per pint 6.3 pints would work out to $44.10 - but trust me you're not ordering this $50 thing of beauty because it's a value option. This particular experience is going to create a vivid memory (that will be slightly hazier toward the bottom of the glass) and should certainly happen with friends. Best friends and long time drinking buddies if possible.



On the left, Jason Gilbert my friend since 7th Grade - on the right Brett Mastella, a friend since High School and one of the most enjoyable people I know to get intoxicated with. These are the type of people you want to share this experience with because honestly, it's one you'll never forget. People in the bar will approach you and want their picture taken with you, or ask if they can hold the beer to have their picture taken with it, even those that do not approach you will certainly stare and whisper to their bar comrades with looks of awe on their faces at the behemoth brew before you. You will feel cooler than everyone else in the bar and the group of grown men you're drinking with will giggle like schoolgirls while the bartender tops the Goddess' hand blown pilsner-style encasement off from a pint glass because it is too big to fit under the tap without spilling.



Now perhaps some audience members might be thinking, I can drink 6.5 pints at once! What kind of lightweight can't down 9 cans of beer in an hour or two?! Back in college I played Edward 40 Hands and was barely even buzzed! (None of these particular thoughts went through my head mind you, they are simply random examples.) Let me dispel any notion that anyone may have, about finishing this leviathan (before it's quite warm) without feeling the effects.

Besides the fact that your selected Heartland brew will likely have more alcohol content than an average beer (the Cornhusker Lager that we ordered was 5% alcohol by volume - Bud Light is around 3%) so every can contained within the Goddess is really almost like drinking two. Another cautionary tip for the faithful beer enthusiasts out there who can't wait to get their hands on this hop-filled slice of heaven - you'll likely finish the entire thing before the alcohol really starts to take hold. In the giddy afterglow of being congratulated by the bar tender on this feat of drinking stamina, one feels compelled to roam around Manhattan stopping into several other bars and a Gray's Papaya or three. This may not be the best idea (The Gray's Papaya is advised - the other bars, not so much) because as I mentioned you'll keep digesting the liquid in your gullet and end up much more intoxicated than you origianlly thought you were. The three of us actually met up with my girlfriend for dinner and although I remember very little of it, I'm sure she would have a comment or two on my aformentioned cautionary advice.

Of course, there's no need to fear the Goddess, she is your friend and will craft from barley, hops, and in our case corn, an extremely memorable and incredibly fun experience. It may become part of a storied outing that happens every year on the day before St. Patrick's day, or it may become a more common occurance whereby big celebrations call for a big beer. I have in fact heard tell of a man who orders these quite frequently in the Radio City location, a maraton runner who orders one every week! But he may only be an urban legend...

'Till next time friends - cheers, drink merrily, and trust to good verses.